User's Comments:

ThreeWayDart (Guest), 14 Mar 2008 10:30 pm

Awesome This is awesome! Boy, the comic I'm developing is nowhere near this level.
*shamed*
But I shall work hard!
Thanks for this inspiration, strangers.

Swallow (Guest), 11 Feb 2009 09:16 pm

Some Major Issues... What you guys have is a decent start. At best, the art is good, at worst it's rather sloppy, but it gets the job done.

Something, however, must be said about the writing. The pacing and grammar are very poor. Your readers will notice this, and it will turn them off. I often hear that writing is more important than art for webcomics, which is a right shame, since the art of this comic is decent, and I'm certain the artist will get better as it goes.

Take the opening page, for example. In what way is someone supposed to read that? While the font is rather overdramatic and distracting, it is legible, but the way it's spaced out is horribly choppy. I can't imagine someone reading it out loud until I've read the entire page already and set the tone of the speech in my head. This is not going to hook many new readers.

It should probably look more like this: "The Sands of Destiny: a powerful and all-changing element in the ever flowing river of time. Contained within the hourglass of fate, these sands slowly measure the life of everything in the universe."

Also, vagueness is an issue. So the humans ignored 'the warnings' and cut into 'the stone'. Who wrote these warnings? What did the warnings say? Which stone weren't they supposed to cut? How did the humans come upon this stone?

(On that note, I would hardly call it fate that the humans removed the hourglass. Stupidity, maybe, but I think that was already established when they ignored 'the warnings'. 'Fate' normally applies to something that is out of people's control, not a decision. Perhaps it was 'fate or mishap' when they actually discovered the hourglass, however.)

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